Friday Funnies

Continuing coverage of what could be a national tragedy...or comedy...or tragicomedy!

Cigar Review: La Flor Dominicana, DL-452 Maduro

4" x 52 ring gauge, $6.00
Fun week for me here at the Tiki Bar: I got to try both the Natural and Maduro versions of the LFD DL-452 and review them for the blog. I did not smoke them back-to-back...and I'm glad because that would be a singular vomit-inducing experience. Not that either of these cigars is bad, but they are quite powerful and smoking two of them in succession would almost definitely cause a nicotine overload. So, anyway...

This is the maduro version of the surprisingly powerful and wonderful cigar that I reviewed earlier--a cigar that positively answer the question of whether anyone else could capture the magic found in the Nub. I was pleased to be able to recommend the LFD as a worthy "Nub substitute" (especially important as my local shop does not carry Nub because of a pricing dispute). This version is dark and has a couple of prominent veins. The prelight aroma from the body is, again, barnyard, this time with some coffee mixed in. On the foot the aroma is more of chocolate. The wrapper is slightly oily and the prelight draw is easy and tastes like chocolate and coffee. So far, quite similar to the natural version.

Getting this one to light was actually harder than the natural, though, and the natural was not easy. I have to put most of that up to the maduro wrapper which would not fully light at first and had to be touched up several times during the smoking process. Once going, the smoke started out smooth and full-bodied, but with very little of the characteristic ligero spice. It did show up after a few minutes...and so did the strength! This is a full-on powerful smoke, especially when you consider that I had just started.

The draw unfortunately tightened up during the first third and had to be opened with some help with my pipe tool. After a little "draw poker" surgery, all was well with the world again, although it would not stay that way throughout. I did not have to huff and puff like crazy to keep the cigar lit, but I was not too far away from that, either.

Into the second half of the DL-452, the body and strength remained on the high side. When the cigar started plugging, the smoke had gotten a little harsh and raspy, but as it cooled down, it smoothed out nicely again. The flavor seemed to be muted by the fullness, but what there was tended to be on the leathery side with some notes of strong black coffee and some spice on the finish.

I love maduros and will almost always opt for the maduro version of a cigar over the natural (or colorado or corojo or what-have-you), but I did not enjoy this maduro nearly as much as I did the natural version. The natural just had a better balance of flavors with strength and body. This was not a bad smoke...just not as good as the natural. Again, this is not a smoke for beginners or sissies! Be forewarned!

Strength: 10/10
Body: 10/10
Complexity: 6/10

AFP Scale:
Prelight: 2/2
Construction: 1/2
Flavor: 3/5
Value: 1/1
Total: 7/10

"24": The Season that Was

A couple weeks ago, I started my series on "5 TV shows on my DVR Schedule" by suggesting that 24 had maybe run its logical course and maybe it should just go away. I wrote all that before the season had wrapped up so I did not know all the story. Now that I have seen the season finale, I have to say...

Boy, was I right! Janeane Garofalo's character does not get killed in some horrible manner, but she actually makes nice with Chloe at the end. Kim Bauer makes a truly assinine decision to chase a hitman through a secured part of the airport in her high heels and without a weapon. FBI Agent Renee Walker turns to "the dark side" when it seems like she is going to try to torture information out of the lead bad guy. Tony Almeida was a good guy playing a bad guy who was actually a bad guy playing a good guy playing a bad guy while simultaneously playing a dead guy but we found out in the end that it was all about revenge because his wife and unborn child were collateral damage in somebody's conspiracy; so he was willing to sacrifice thousands of innocent lives for his revenge, making him an ultimate bad guy...playing a good guy...playing a bad guy...who thinks he's justified in....oh, just forget it! And, of course, Jack is undoubtedly saved after the end of the last tick of the clock as Kim comes to his rescue by volunteering for the risky and unproven stem cell therapy. How do we know he is going to be saved? Because some idiots leaked a month ago that Kiefer is coming back for another season! But wait, there's more...Jack Bauer turns to Islam for comfort when he thinks he is going to die.

For crying out loud...I had high hopes for this show when they said they were going to revamp the entire thing after the previous season and a year off courtesy of the greedy writers' strike. The 24: Redemption movie in November was excellent and provided a great jumping-off-place for the new season, which actually started off fairly enough. If the only stupid thing that happened was Tony Almeida's miraculous resurrection, I would have forgiven everything else. Honestly, though, this season should not have been made. In my mind, this show has now definitely jumped the shark and nuked the fridge. Unless there is some evidence that things are much, much better for next season, I will not watch...I don't want to waste another 24 hours of my life.

Upcoming Cigar Reviews

I've got so many new and "new to me" sticks in my humidor right now that I hardly know where to start. Some of these are ones recommended to me by Keith, some are ones that I picked up on others' recommendations, a few were gifts from the CAO company after the tour. I cannot promise that all of the following sticks will end up getting reviewed, but most of them will. I may even end up with more new ones not on this current list before I get done with these...so some of these may be reviewed quite a ways down the line.

Anyway, the lineup for the next couple of months includes: Hoyo de Monterrey Excalibur Legend, Cubao, El Triunfador, Villiger 1888, Oliva G Maduro, Oliva Connecticut, LFD Mystery Blend, A. Turrent Six Generations, Kristoff Maduro, Nub Connecticut, and several from CAO: Sopranos, Bratalia, America Bottlerocket, Vision, and the Cameroon "Gold Brick" Holiday Press.

For "Cigars for the Recession," I have a few likely candidates presently, including the Blue Label, Castle Hall, Nepalese Warrior and Reposado '68.

Happy smoking!!!

Cigar Review: La Flor Dominicana, DL-452 Natural

4" x 52 ring gauge, $6.00
When you see this cigar, you can immediately figure out the inspiration behind it--the size of this cigar brings to mind the very popular Nub line. So, now we can see what happens when you take Sam Leccia's idea and apply it to one of your regular favorites.

The appearance is nice with no prominent veins. The new LFD logo band still impresses me with its class and elegance. The short body of the cigar has the aroma of barnyard, while the foot is more coffee and sweet spice. The wrapper is lightly oily. The prelight draw is chocolately with plenty of spice. Drawing on my past experience with LFD, it does not take a genius to expect that I'm going to like this.

Like most of the Double Ligero (DL) line, it takes a bit of work to get this stogie going, but once lit, the immediate flavor is spice with the undertones of coffee and chocolate so frequently found in LFD's blends. The draw is a little tight, but not terrible. This is like hanging out with an old friend, although in this case, maybe the vertically-challeneged version of that friend from some alternate dimension.

The spiciness dominates the first third of the LFD Nub-a-like and some leathery notes start to become apparent, too. The ash held on well for about an inch, but tapped off easily at that point, which would be disappointing and potentially very messy if this actually were a Nub.

Interesting thing: even though the ring gauge is smaller than any Nub out there, and not much different from others in the DL line for that matter, it still smokes slowly and leisurely. While it will not give you an hour and a half of smoking pleasure, it will keep you pleasantly occupied for the better part of an hour. As the second third winds down there's a sweetness apparent, too, and the spice has mitigated somewhat.

During the last third of this diminuitive cigar, it finally shows its DL strength. The body ramped up from medium-full to full-full and the smoke began to border on harsh, but still with that sweet and leathery flavor that had come up earlier. All-in-all, a really good, full-bodied smoke that is only for the "professional smoker."

Body: 9/10
Strength: 9/10
Complexity: 9/10

AFP Scale:
Prelight: 2/2
Construction: 1.5/2
Flavor: 5/5
Value: 1/1
Total: 9.5/10

New Schedule for the Tiki Bar

After much writing in the last couple months and much thinking over the last couple weeks, I have decided to slow down the pace a bit for the summer with a new publishing schedule for the Tiki Bar Online.

I have had a lot of fun talking about "pop culture" with my 10 Films, 10 Albums, and 5 TV Shows series. I also want to explore 10 Books, 5 More TV Shows, and other topics as they come to me. Starting June 1, pop culture topics will be published on Mondays and Wednesdays.

I've got a bunch of cigars I want to review, including Triunfador, Villiger 1888, a bunch of LFDs, Cubao, and some CAOs that I recently acquired. Regular cigar reviews will be published on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I also have a few budget cigars ("Cigars for the Recession") that I would like to review; I'll probably do those semi-regularly on Fridays, an extra review apart from the regular Tuesday and Thursday schedule. If I publish reviews of cigar events (or maybe that tour of CAO I took the other day!) that would also be on a Friday.

I want to continue the "Friday Funnies," a tradition started by our friends at An American Front Porch. Political articles are a little more on the timely side, so I'll be publishing those as they occur and at no set time.

I hope to keep up this schedule even through my busy summer "big project" season and hopefully those readers that are already here (all two of you!) will keep reading and more will show up along the way.

Thank God the Tiki Bar is open! - John Hiatt

Supreme Choice

This morning's news is ablaze with reports (unconfirmed at this time) that President Obama has picked Judge Sonia Sotomayor to replace Justice Souter on the Supremem Court. Earlier reports were that Obama was looking for someone with "empathy" to serve on the Court, although I am not sure what that quality really has to do with adjudicating constitutionality. It was joked that what Obama really needed in a Supreme candidate would be a half-black, half-Hispanic, trans-sexual lesbian single mother on welfare; maybe he did not get that, but he did hit two of his "key demographics" by putting forward a female Hispanic.

In all seriousness, there is only one question that needs to be asked here: is she the most qualified candidate for this job? Of course, that begs the question: what does "most qualified" mean? What I mean by that is this: is this person one of the best constitutional scholars in the country at this time? Does she have a track record of upholding the constitution throughout her career to date? Or has she attempted (successfully or not) to legislate from the bench?

According to at least one source, she is not qualified for this job:

"Judge Sotomayor is a liberal judicial activist of the first order who thinks her own personal political agenda is more important that the law as written," said Wendy Long, counsel to the conservative Judicial Confirmation Network. "She thinks that judges should dictate policy and that one's sex, race and ethnicity ought to affect the decisions one renders from the bench. ... She has an extremely high rate of her decisions being reversed, indicating that she is far more of a liberal activist than even the current liberal activist Supreme Court."

As always, it is best to seek the evidence to back up these claims and hopefully the Republicans in the Senate will do their job and expose that evidence to the country when the time for her confirmation hearings comes.

UPDATE: Apparently she's incompetent enough in her judicial capabilities, that liberal rag, The New Republic could not even recommend her for the job. Could Obama have just nominated his own version of Harriet Miers?

Friday Funnies: Steven Crowder

One of the funniest voices from the right to emerge with the dark times that have fallen over our country of late is that of Steven Crowder. He is a regular contributor to Big Hollywood and has a new video out every Thursday. This week's video is one of his best yet:



Enjoy...and don't be afraid to Laugh Out Loud!

Cigar Review: Xikar Defiance

"The Renegade": Robusto, 5" x 50 Ring Gauge
This cigar is composed of Nicaraguan filler, with a sun-grown corojo binder and shade-grown criollo wrapper, both also from Nicaragua. It was blended for the Xikar company by Jesus Fuego.

The wrapper was a light brown in color, almost as light as a Connecticut shade color, but not quite. It had a mild look about it, but I knew from previous experience that this appearance is deceiving. There were a couple prominent veins in the wrapper but nothing extreme. The double-band on the cigar was very classy-looking. The aroma from the body was woody and leathery, and from the foot there's a bit of barnyard and cocoa. The prelight draw was easy and tasted of chocolate and dried fruit.

Upon lighting, the smoke was creamy and smooth with caramel and chocolate notes. The body is right in the medium range. The first time I had one of these, I expected to be underwhelmed because of the appearance and I found myself really enjoying it--it is one of my favorite cigars introduced in the last year.

After the first third, the flavor was predominantly coffee and roasted nuts, with a caramel hint on the finish and a creamy, buttery quality to the smoke. As the second third progressed, though, the creamy quality started to drift off and there was just a touch of black pepper on the finish.

This cigar stayed good down to the nub. It is definitely my favorite medium-bodied smoke and one that I can recommend heartily to new and experienced smokers alike--the flavors remain interesting and complex without any danger of it overwhelming you with strength.

Body: 5/10
Strength: 4/10
Complexity: 8/10

AFP Scale:
Prelight: 2/2
Construction: 2/2
Flavor: 4.5/5
Value: 1/1
Total: 9.5/10

5 TV Shows: Lost

Lost
I have definitely saved the best for last. It was during this last season...season 5...the penultimate season...that Lost took over the number 1 spot in my mind as "Best TV Show...Ever." That is the place that was formerly occupied by Millennium (starring the great Lance Henrickson, along with Terry O'Quinn, who also happens to be a major character in Lost).

This past season was about finally learning some answers to those nagging questions, some of which have been hanging around since season 1 ("What the heck is the smoke monster?" or "What lies in the shadow of the statue?" for instance). I won't reveal any answers here as some people may not have seen all or any of the season yet and I wouldn't want to be a spoiler.

Let's just say that surprises were frequent. Answers were forthcoming. Practically no one is safe. And the end leaves you longing for more...as a great show should. With one more season to go, I do hope that they are able to tie up all the loose ends and end the story in a way that is fun, satisfying and that leaves a few questions still to ponder. If they could leave us wishing for a sequel, that would suit me fine! If you haven't seen any of Lost before now...well, get started! The first 4 seasons are out on DVD already and season 5 should be out in November or December, which should give you just enough time to finish everything before the last season begins airing in January 2010.

Idol Crowns a New Winner

Congratulations to the newest American Idol champion, Kris Allen. He was considered the "dark horse" for several weeks in this competition and almost no one predicted he would win, but by the time Wednesday morning (the day of the big finale) rolled around, no one wanted to count him out, either.

Why did he beat Adam Lambert? Was it "the guy next door vs. the guyliner"? Was it straight vs. gay? Who knows how the voting broke down ultimately...and, really, who cares? Both of these young men are very talented and I went into Wednesday night's show truly believing that there could not be a wrong choice. Is Adam "flaming"? Maybe...probably...but he is also insanely gifted vocally and he has the propriety to keep his sexual preferences quiet (at least for now).

I think Kris won for a combination of reasons, though. First, he defined who he was early-on and never wavered from that. He did increase in confidence on a weekly basis and he did become more likable as time passed. Second, he stumbled a couple times along the way, but his general "story arc" was always upward. He did not peak early then have trouble maintaining his following (like Danny Gokey and Lil Rounds did, in my opinion). He just steadily got better and kept picking songs that would suit his style and appeal to a wider and wider audience. Lastly, I think you cannot underestimate the effect that Gokey's voters had on the finals. Personality-wise, Danny and Kris are very similar and when Danny finished as #3, I think more of his voters turned to Kris than to Adam. When Kris and Adam were only separated by about 1 million votes the week before, it's just a matter of simple math to see why Kris ended up winning in the end.

I look forward to hearing what both Kris and Adam do in the future. I actually hope Adam will get called to be the new lead singer for Queen--he would be the only person I can imagine that would ever adequately fill Freddie Mercury's shoes. And I hope Kris' first album is not a total mess as sometimes happens to AI winners (thanks to producers who tend to over-think these things). Congrats to both of you!

5 TV Shows: Fringe

Fringe
For me, this show started slowly. I missed the first episode because I forgot it was coming on and never got around to watching it. As a result I started off at a little disadvantage, but because of the storytelling and structure, I was able to get mostly up-to-speed pretty quickly. The show is sort of an X-Files meets Millennium meets Lost mash-up. It is most like X-Files in that it deals with seemingly supernatural phenomena from the perspective of FBI investigations. It is most like Millennium its graphic images and dark subject matter. And it resembles Lost with its reliance on canonic story-telling, although not so much so that missing an episode will leave you hopelessly...well...lost.

The acting is superb, featuring Anna Torv as Agent Olivia Dunham, a hard-nosed FBI agent with lost secrets in her past; Joshua Jackson is her sidekick, Peter Bishop, a guy who knows people and things, although we never know how he knows all these things; and Walter Bishop is Peter's father, an eccentric scientist who was recently released from a mental hospital to help figure out some unusual occurrences and how they might relate to his work...work that may have been instrumental in driving him to the nuthouse.

The show seemed to start slowing at the beginning of the season and it took several episodes to get me really hooked (and even more to get my wife hooked). I was impressed by the season finale and am very much looking forward to the new season of the show this fall. They did a good job with wrapping up an ongoing storyline without wrapping up the overall crisis that is affecting their world and they ended by introducing special guest, Leonard Nimoy, playing one of the world's wealthiest men...who may be a good guy...or may not...something we will just have to see as the series progresses. Another great show from the J.J. Abrams, the executive producer of Lost, and well worth spending Tuesday nights on.

5 TV Shows: House

House
This is the first show of the 5 I am talking about in this series to have actually wrapped up its season before I write. I have to say, I had my doubts at first and at different times throughout the season, but overall, this was a fun and challenging season of television drama.

In case you have not heard, Dr. Gregory House is a fantastically brilliant diagnostician who works in a hospital in New Jersey. His people skills are atrocious; he is in constant pain from a botched surgery so he is constantly popping pain pills; he is sarcastic, rude and agnostic, if not outright atheist. He works with a young team of doctors who help him to focus his energy on finding the right answer to the "mystery medical condition of the week" and a hospital administrator who he has trouble expressing his feelings for. His best friend is Wilson, the oncologist down the hall, and they have a full-on "bromance" going on.

The themes this season circled around, among other things, the reality of God, survivor guilt over a couple of fallen comrades (one through traffic accident, one through suicide), overcoming childish antics to discuss deep feelings, and overcoming addictions. There were moments when it seemed they were over-reaching and I am not thrilled that House so easily dismisses the presence of God even after he witnesses bonafide miracles. It also seems unlikely that one medical team would see so many bizarre and exotic medical conditions--it's like New Jersey is the center of such things.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***
On the other hand, it is just television, and the creators seem to have a knack for making imminently watchable shows and crafting characters that you want to care about, even if you don't agree with all their lifestyle and personal choices. The ending left us on a bit of an edge this year--House has been seeing the ghost of his best friend's girlfriend and he seems to have given in to the reality that he may be losing his mind. The show ended with him checking himself into a mental hospital, or maybe it was also a rehab clinic. If he is seeking psychiatric care, the issue was brought up several episodes before that he would not be able to continue working as a doctor--which would create all kinds of problems for a show named after him (although I guess they could rename it "House-exMD"). We'll see--after the long summer break.

Cigar Review: Rocky Patel TAA Signature

Torpedo; 6" x 52 ring gauge; $7.70 at Burns, Chattanooga

This is one of the seemingly endless supply of new Rocky Patel smokes introduced in the past couple years. While some have been great (Decade and Winter Blend), some have been just so-so (ITC 10th, Summer Blend), and some have gotten resoundingly bad reviews (Autumn Blend, Split Decision). The Rocky Patel website rivals that of Drew Estate for worst cigar company website that I have seen: there is little to no info on many cigars from the company, making it seem like they have not updated their site in over a year (furthermore, the incessant use of Flash makes the website slow to load and a pain in the butt to use--what it needs is less gimmicky crap and more useful content). There is no information or even a press release about this TAA cigar or the seasonal smokes or the many cigars they make that are exclusive so online retailers. Very disappointing.

So I found this out by asking the clerk at Burns and through researching a few websites: this cigar is an exclusive to shops that are part of the Tobacconists Association of America. That's about all I could find out that I am absolutely sure about. On the prelight inspection, the aroma was chocolate and coffee. The wrapper had some rather large veins and it seems stretched in places, which to me speaks of lesser quality than I would expect in an RP stick. The cap was pretty sloppy, too. There were some soft wpots along the body that I made a point to watch out for if I had any burn problems. The prelight draw was easy and the flavors are creamy mocha with just a little bit of spice.

Creamy and spicy are not two descriptors that you see together very often, but they do both apply here. The flavor after lighting made me think of a cafe latte with some cayenne pepper in it: coffee, cream, and spice. At the beginning, the body was stricly middle-of-the-road medium.

At the halfway point, there was really nothing new to report flavor-wise. It was a pleasant smoke, but not one that has nuanced changes. The burn was very good to this point, requiring just a minor touch-up. The draw had been perfect.

In the end, this falls in the good-not-great category of RP cigars, which is especially disappointing since it is a "special" cigar for a trade organization. Unfortunately, this means that Rocky's best sticks are still the ones that re the most expensive (Decade and Olde World Reserve)--the exception being the Edge, which is a great cigar in the mid-range price-wise. If that mid-range price is where you are looking to spend your money, I have to recommend the Edge over this cigar any day of the week.

Body - 5/10
Strength - 5/10
Complexity - 4/10

AFP Scale
Prelight - 1/2
Construction 1.5/2
Flavor - 3/5
Value - .5/1
Total - 6/10

5 TV Shows: American Idol

American Idol
My wife and I have been watching American Idol for four seasons now. We began watching as a lark, really, watching some of the audition shows for season five, but then we got hooked. I voted early and often for Chris Daughtry until his surprise ouster as the fourth-place contestant and then we both rooted for geek-boy spasmodic, Taylor Hicks, who eventually did win the whole thing. The next year I picked Jordin Sparks out of the audition shows and said, "I think we'll see her in the top 5" and I was more right than I thought I would be. Last year's win by rocker David Cook was great, too.

This year's collection of wannabe Idols has been consistently very talented. I have really enjoyed Alison Iraheta's rock spin on things and was sad to see her go last week. Kris Allen seems like a nice guy with a voice that works quite well for a certain type of laid-back rock. Danny Gokey is the beat-down poster child lately, but he still has a pretty nice voice, too. But my wife and I both wait every week to see and hear what Adam Lambert (Glambert, Flambert) has come up with. Whether it turns out the guy is gay or just an off-the-wall metrosexual, the guy has mad skills in the vocal department and has proven himself to be a fantastic entertainer.

Some of the changes that were brought to Idol this year worked better than others. The fourth judge, Kara Dioguardi, has been kind of a "whatever" addition--sometime good, sometimes bad, often adding nothing vital to the conversation. The structure of the early voting rounds and the wild card were a good idea that seems to have worked out like it should in the long run. The "judges' save" was a goofy idea that did not really add much to the show. The addition of the vocalists singing duets was also a great idea, in my opinion.

I do hope that Adam ends up winning the competition this year; he is clearly the most talented of all of them up there. And I hope the show is able to keep at least the 3 original judges and return for one or two more years to work on finding a couple new crops of "America's best undiscovered talent." At some point the show will need to go, but I hope they can find some creative ways to spice things up for another couple years.

5 TV Shows: 24

When I originally thought of this series, I thought it would be fun to talk about 5 shows that I record and watch on a regular basis. I mentioned it to my wife and she asked about several others shows that I hadn't mentioned on my original list. Great! We're back to 10 things--another 2 week long series--which I had not really wanted to do at the time. I thought it over again and decided to break it into two groups: this group features regular network shows whose seasons are ending soon so I can use the series to give a bit of retrospective on the season that has finished as well as general impressions of the series and why I care about watching it. The other shows tended to all be cable network shows like History or Discovery so their seasons do not follow the same time frames. I will look at some of those later on.

24
I feel rather unlucky to have missed the first four seasons of this show. Actually, I've heard that season 1 was the best, and some people say it was the only one to bother with. I enjoyed season 5, though, and even thought season 6 had its moments (especially the nuking of a Southern California city--that's one way to control the population there!). I thought the Redemption movie that bridged season 6 to the current season 7 was very well done, answering the questions of where Jack Bauer went after his life fell apart in season 7 (and before, too) and what he was doing. I had high hopes for season 7, but...I kind of feel the show has jumped the shark.

Bring Tony Almeda back from the dead was hard to swallow. Having Tony be good guy...no wait, bad guy...no wait, good guy posing as bad guy...no wait, bad guy posing as good guy...is really getting on my nerves (the series has not finished for the season at this point, so I don't know where he ends up). Infecting Jack with an incurable disease is an interesting plot device, but is totally undone by the fact that a week later, the news is reporting that Kiefer Sutherland has signed up for another season, so you know they are going to find a way to cure him (unless the show decides to cross over with the Ghost Whisperer).

The high points of the season were Bill's self-sacrifice, Cherry Jones as President, Jon Voight as a premier bad guy, any scene with Chloe and/or Morris, and Jack's reconciliation with his daughter. My all-time favorite 24 moment occurred a couple weeks ago when Jack screamed his head off about what actual works and is needed to properly effect national security to a wimpy, brain-addled character played appropriately enough by Janeane Garofalo. It was absolutely cathartic and made the choice of her to even be on this show seem justified. I'm not sure that one scene made this whole season worth watching, though. I will finish out the season because I want to know how they resolve the situation, but I cannot say for sure if I will both with it next year.

Friday Funnies

Not much time to get into politics this week, so I thought I’d put in some political humor into the Friday Funnies. If you are a leftist moonbat, you won’t find any of this funny:

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From The Barack Obama Jokes Website:

A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going.. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

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From Funny Obama Jokes:

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President. The old rancher said, “Well, ya know, Obama is a “post turtle.” Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a “post turtle” was. The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a “post turtle”. The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain. “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there.”

-----

What do Miley Cyrus and Barack Obama have in common? They both attract young people with mindless verses.

Cigar Review: Perdomo Patriarch

Corona Extra, Maduro, 5.6" x 46 ring gauge
Price: $6.50

I can only remember having one, maybe two, Perdomo cigars in all the years that I've been smoking cigars. After hearing that they were one of several companies that would be absorbing the new SCHIP tax without passing on the price increase to their customers, I decided that I should change that. So last week while I was at my local B&M, I spotted the Perdomo Patriarch. The expert-on-duty said it was a good stick, so I thought I would give it a try, especially at the price of $6.50. First a little background: Nick Perdomo, Jr., crafted this cigar to honor his father, Nick Sr. It is available in both Corojo and Maduro wrappers with Nicaraguan filler from all 3 growing regions of that country: Esteli, Jalapa, and Condega. It is available is a variety of traditional Cuban sizes.

The wrapper on the Patriarch was a dark, rich brown. The aroma was earthy with mostly just tobacco on the body and chocolate on the foot. The wrapper was smooth with the cap very, very cleanly applied. It was mostly firm to the touch with one spot that was rock hard--hopefully not a blockage, but something to watch out for. The prelight draw had notes of coffee, chocolate and dried berries.

It took a while to get this one lit, but once it got going, the cigar produced a good volume of smoke. It was definitely full-bodied right from the beginning, the flavor earthy and leathery with a little bit of pepper spice. The draw was just right, easy to smoke but not loose.

As I got into the second third, the predominant flavor was strong black coffee. This is definitely a cigar that you will taste in the back of your throat for hours to come; the flavor is bordering on harsh without ever actually crossing that line.

By the time I finished, I was glad this cigar did not get more powerful and full-bodied as it went--the truth is, there was much higher is could go in those areas. This is a powerful stick that should satisfy those looking for a buzz, especially if you get a larger size than this Corona Extra (I think the Churchill or Torpedo sizes would most fit that desire). The burn was perfectly even throughout and the draw never varied either. Overall a very nice cigar that can also be considered a bargain smoke in these financially-constrained days.

Body: 10/10
Strength: 9/10
Complexity: 7/10

AFP Scale
Prelight: 2/2
Construction: 2/2
Flavor: 3.5/5
Value: 1/1
Total: 8.5/10

That Old Chicago Style

The federal government is sending out approximately 52 million "stimulus" checks to Social Security recipients. Even if a check for $250 could possibly do anything to actually stimulate the economy, one would have a hard time arguing that a dead person could use that money for anything. And yet, it appears that the Social Security administration is sending 8,000 to 10,000 checks to people who are deceased...they've passed on...they've ceased to be...they've expired and gone to meet their maker...they're stiffs...bereft of lift...resting in peace...pushing up daisies...their metabolic processes are history...they've kicked the bucket...shuffled off this mortal coil...run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible...THEY ARE EX-PEOPLE!!!

And yet, there is something rather poetic and just about the Obama administration sending dead people checks. After all, Obama rose through the ultra-corrupt Chicago political machine to become our illustrious President, and that same political machine is the one that created and popularized the phrase "Vote Early, Vote Often" and had many voters whose residences just happened to be 6 feet under. So...dead people vote for leftist Chicago politicians and now a leftist Chicago politician is giving money back to the dead.

What's more troubling is that some of the dead people who are getting stimulus checks were apparently never on Social Security to begin with and possibly were not even citizens (read the story linked to above). I guess Obama is trying to reach out to dead illegal aliens, too!

10 Films: Lord of the Rings

Lord of the Rings (2001 - 2003)
You might look at this entry and think "cheat" and I could understand an argument that says that this single entry covers 3 films, but I disagree. I believe these 3 films should be taken together as one larger piece as none of the films really stands on its own without the other two. J.R.R. Tokien wrote the Lord of the Rings series of books during the 1930s and 1940s and it was originally released to the world in 1954 and 1955. It took nearly 50 years for the technology to arrive and become mature enough that the massive fight sequences and fantastic creatures from the book could be filmed with any adequacy at all.

The story is the classic good versus evil tale, a coalition of good people from several different fantasy races (hobbits, elves, and humans) who take on the ultimate evil in their world...Sauron. I would have to recommend the extended, DVD-only versions of all three parts of these films, as that is the version of the story that is most faithful to the original source material. At 10 or so hours of viewing time, this is not something to be undertaken lightly, but it is well worth it.

There are purist who would argue that director, Peter Jackson, took too many liberties with the story and cut too many things out. I, too, wish many additional items could have been left in, but it would have taken double the amount of screen time to show everything well and I think Jackson did a wonderful job of staying faithful to the intent and themes of the story.

The acting in the series ranges from very good to excellent. The digital special effects are among the best every put on film, putting to shame most of what George Lucas did with the updates and prequels in the Star Wars series. The sets are spectacular and the costuming is amazing. The score is powerful and memorable. All put together, I think this is the best film of the young 21st century.

Well, that does it for the 10 films in my collection that I would most highly recommend to other people. Next week, I will be taking on a new pop culture subject...5 TV Shows on my DVR Schedule.

10 Films: Casablanca

Casablanca (1942)
If you've stuck with me through the first 8 films, you may have been frustrated by the lack of any movies that can truly be called "classic" films. No Ben Hur, Citizen Kane or Lawrence of Arabia anywhere in there. Here is the answer: what I believe to be the finest film ever committed to celluloid, the 1942 classic Casablanca.

There are so many things to be said about this film that it is hard to know where to start. The acting by Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman is so perfect that it is hard to imagine anyone else in these roles (although Ronald Reagan was famously considered for the role of Rick). The cinematography and wonderful use of light and shadow in a classic black and white film. The music featuring the inimitable "As Time Goes By." The dialog that gave us such famous lines as "Here's looking at you kid," "We'll always have Paris," "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," and "Play it again, Sam"...wait...that last line was never actually said in the movie, although there was a movie by that title starring Woody Allen.

Set in the second World War, the movie features a love triangle between an American ex-patriot, the woman he loves, and her husband, who she had believed to be dead by the hands of the Nazis. The struggle with Nazi Germany is the background for the story bringing with it the concept of ultimate good versus evil to mix in with the passions that threaten to tear people apart on a personal level. A wonderful movie on every level.

Special Cigar Review: LFD Double Ligero Perfecto

Back in November, I purchased the 5-pack "Los Perfectos Sampler" from La Flor Dominicana, which featured special 5.625 x 54 ring gauge samples of 5 cigars in a special perfecto shape, not normally made by LFD. Included were the Ligero Cabinet, Coronado, 2 Undisclosed "Mystery" blends and this Double Ligero, which is the last one I have from the set. Since this is most likely the one and only time in my life that I will get the opportunity to smoke this, I thought I should record it, if only for my own benefit. I later struggled with whether or not to post this as a regular cigar review in the Tuesday/Friday rotation, for reasons I will explain later; in the end I decided it should be recorded, but as an extra "special" review not in the regular rotation.

Prelight, the aroma was mostly cedar, probably owing to the long time spent in the custom-made box it came in as well as the time it spent outside that box in my humidor; these shipped without a cello wrapper, so they would absorb that aroma even more than usual. The appearance is very similar to what you get in one of the regular-release Double Ligero cigars: veins that can be seen more than felt, a little oiliness and a little toothiness. In my hand I thought I could feel that the perfecto was "perfectly" round and rolling it on my desk confirmed that suspicion. Not terribly important overall, but interesting--an imperfect perfecto. The prelight draw was easy and had flavors of coffee with some spiciness.

The cigar lit easily for a Double Ligero, no doubt due mostly to the smaller surface area that needed to be lit. After lighting, it displayed the familiar full body of an LFD DL stick with flavors of coffee and roasted nuts, along with a considerable amount of spice on the finish. I decided to enjoy this cigar with some Russell's Reserve bourbon and, as usual, enjoyed the pairing. The sweetness of the whiskey enhanced those underlying sweet notes in the cigar and the spiciness of the cigar went well with the alcohol "bite."

One thing I've come to expect from the DL line of cigars is full-body and power and this cigar did not disappoint on either count. It does seem to display more spice than the DL-Chisel, although the strength is probably lower than that cigar, but this could be simply the presence of less tobacco overall. After close to half the cigar the coffee flavors held up well and some cocoa notes popped up from time to time. It was a great cigar...but...

To be honest, the flavor profile is not so different from other sticks in the LFD DL line. I paid over $50 for this set of 5 cigars, which puts this stick above $10, and I'm just not sure it would be worth that price if it were not part of a special-size and shape sampler pack that was a one-time-only release. That fact gives it some exclusivity, which is kind of fun, but I can't see buying more than one of these packs because the same flavors are available every day for a buck or two per stick less at your local B&M. The bottom line is I loved the flavor, but that's normal for LFD DL cigars; I have no regrets about buying this sampler pack, but I would not purchase a second one.

Body: 9/10
Strength: 8/10
Complexity: 8/10

AFP Scale
Prelight: 2/2
Construction: 2/2
Flavor: 4.5/5
Value: .5/1
Total: 9/10

10 Films: Signs

Signs (2002)
M. Night Shyamalan is a soft of wunderkind in Hollywood--or at least he was when this movie was made. His earlier films, The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, had captured people's imaginations with their unusual storytelling techniques and twist endings. People wondered what he would do next and Signs was the answer. In this film, Night examines crop circles and what they mean. For a good portion of the movie, the viewer just is not sure if there really are aliens here or if someone is just trying to mess with the family's heads.

The family, by the way is made up of Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix (in two of their best roles, in my opinion--sadly, one of the last times we would see both of these men as normal and in their right minds) along with the kids of Gibson's widowed character. Since the death of the mother of the children, Gibson's character has lost his faith in God and the family has turned very insular.

The real crux of the movie becomes apparent after the aliens have revealed themselves to earth. The movie is not so much concerned with the crop circles or the aliens, but with how God gives us signs to point us in the right direction and how He loves us even when we want to hate Him. This film, along with Night's earlier film, Wide Awake, made me wonder if he is a Christian (he was raised Hindu, from my understanding). At any rate, an exciting film with great acting that both tells a good story and makes you think about God's actions in your life.

Alas, Night's run of great films could not continue unabated. His next film was The Village which had its moments, but did not seem to have the gravity and feel of the earlier filme. After that was The Lady in the Water which was quite imaginative, but ultimately the plot was not strong enough to stand up to repeated viewings. And then...The Happening...in which our beloved director becomes a low-rent cross between Roger Corman and Al Gore. At least the acting was good in that one, because the plot was too preachy, the dialog was substandard, and the directing just was not quite "there." For his next project, Night is working on a video game adaptation that he is only directing, not writing or producing. Maybe some time off would do some good at this point...

Cigar Review: 601 Red

Toro, 6" x 50 ring gauge

The 601 Red is made by Don Pepin Garcia for United Tobacco. It is a Nicaraguan puro with a Nicaraguan Habano wrapper. I decided to try this one after having smoked the 601 Green and enjoying it. I must confess that I have "gotten over" the hype of every new (or newly discovered) cigar that Pepin Garcia creates for someone; some of his cigars (like the Tatuaje Brown, Tabacos Baez, and San Cristobal) I have really enjoyed; others (Tatuaje Red and his own brand Cuban Classic and Series JJ) I really haven't. So for me, a Pepin Garcia cigar is no guarantee of anything.

The prelight appearance of this cigar was mostly smooth, with very light veins and a little lumpiness in places. It had a slight oily sheen that came off a bit on the fingers, too. There was not a huge amount of aroma from the body of the cigar, just a little earth; the foot had more aroma, though, with coffee and cocoa notes. The prelight draw tasted like rich, dark chocolate.

After lighting, the flavor was rich with coffee and muted chocolate and just a bit of honey (not the candy bar, mind you). The flavor was fairly full and so was the body, although the volume of smoke was less than I would prefer--I wondered if this could be due to the cut. It only took an inch for me to come to the following decision: this is my favorite Pepin Garcia blend! It has a great, full flavor and just a little bit of spice emerging by this time.

After tapping ash the first time, I re-clipped the end, allowing for the greater volume of smoke that I needed so I wouldn't huff-and-puff my way through the stick. By this point the spiciness on the finish was creeping up in intesity and so was the body of the cigar.

By the time the first third was done, the spice and pepper is the predominant flavor, with some coffee still there, but the chocolate/cocoa seems to be gone completely. After starting off in the medium-to-full bodied range, it moved on up to be a full-blown, full-bodied smoke. The burn was not perfectly even, but no major problems, either.

In the final analysis, this was a great full-bodied, full-flavored, strong cigar. It has a nice complexity, ramping up the body, spice and strength as you go rather than hitting you over the head at the outset. Definitely a nice after-dinner smoke and definitely not for lightweights and newbies. I think I may have found myself a new "top 10" cigar! Check out these numbers...yes, that's a perfect "10" on the AFP scale below!!!

Body: 9/10
Strength: 8/10
Complexity: 9/10

AFP Scale
Prelight: 2/2
Construction: 2/2
Flavor: 5/5
Value: 1/1
Total: 10/10

10 Films: The Family Man

The Family Man (2000)

Yes, this film mainly falls into the "chick flick" category, but, say what you will, I like it. A powerful Manhattan businessman who is wealthy and single gets to see a glimpse of what his life would have been like if he had made a different choice when it mattered. He is able to see the trials and joys of suburban family life with the wife, kids and minivan; bowling league with his best friend; working a job beneath his abilities for the sake of his father-in-law.

Shameless tearjerker...yes...but how much of a chick flick could it possibly be with Nicolas Cage, Don Cheadle and Jeremy Piven? All great actors showing a different side of their capabilities. Tea Leoni does a great job, too, as the leading lady and the whole thing is brought together by former music video director, Brett Ratner, who also directed the Rush Hour movies, the remake of Red Dragon, and X-Men: The Last Stand.

In many ways, this movie is a riff off of It's a Wonderful Life, even down to setting the movie during the Christmas holiday season. I wouldn't hold that against it, though, especially as a "date night" movie--you could do much worse: she could force you to watch something with Sandra Bullock!

10 Films: School of Rock

School of Rock (2003)
Jack Black is comic genius. I cannot say that I've seen all his films, but I have seen a good sampling: High Fidelity, Shallow Hal, King Kong, Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny, Nacho Libre, and Be Kind Rewind among others. His manic energy is absolutely infectious and his comic timing is nearly always perfect. And he is a rock star to boot, being one half of Tenacious D. In School of Rock, Jack brings his rock star energy and creativity to a movie that families can enjoy. It has enough post-boomer humor that adults will find it funny, yet does not dwell on lasciviousness or the sex and drugs part of the rock 'n' roll lifestyle.

There is also commentary on education: "Those that can't do...teach. Those who can't teach...teach gym!"

And how to pray: "God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen." And discipline: "You don't have to worry about me because I'm a hard-ass. And if a kid gets out of line, I got no problem smacking them in the head."

Out of all the Jack Black movies I have seen, I would have to rate this as my favorite. It's fun and funny and has a great heart.

Cigar Review: LX2 Lancero by CAO

"Ligero" seems to be one of those cigar buzzwords these days, as are "Don Pepin" and "lancero." I will not pretend to know the complete history of ligero-heavy smokes, but it seems the first time I saw the word ligero applied to a cigar was La Flor Dominicana's Ligero line, which was followed up with the Double Ligero line, epitomized by the "Chisel," a unique shape that is also one of the most consistently strong, yet wonderfully tasty, cigars on the market. LFD also makes a lancero vesion of the DL cigar and I've found it to be one of my favorites. Oliva debuted the "Serie V" a couple years ago, also a double-ligero cigar and shortly thereafter produced a lancero size. Last year, CAO jumped onto the bandwagen with the double-ligero LX2 and earlier this year the lancero size appeared, first in a special humidor and now as a general-sale product. Since both LFD and Oliva double-ligero lanceros are in my present "top 10" I was looking forward to this one quite a bit.

Immediately upon releasing it from the cello-wrap, the LX2 hit me with a wall of aroma: woody, leathery, and just a little cocoa on the unlit foot. The cigar was moderately veiny and slightly lumpy. There are a couple spots where the wrapper seems a little sloppily rolled--I made a note to keep an eye on those to see if they caused any burn problems. The LX2 uses a double-band that is uneven in shape and quite large; they apparently use the same size bands on this very narrow ring-gauge cigar as on the larger sticks and that caused the bands to look kind of sloppy, too. Obviously this won't impact flavor or burn, but it does affect the presentation and that's too bad. Prelight draw, always a concern with this size, is easy.

The initial light is characterized mostly with spice, which I do not recall from my previous encounters with the LX2 in the other sizes. There is also an earthiness and leathery quality that is unlike the other DL lancero models on the market. The draw is fairly easy although it doesn't pull as much smoke as I would prefer. The body is definitely on the full side of the scale.

Through the first third, the cigar has been quite spicy and is definitley the best-tasting of all the LX2 sizes--there is just a very nice balance to the earth and leather and spice. I can definitely see putting this one on my "frequent smoke" list.

Overall, the LX2 still ranks as my third favorite of the three DL sticks I have mentioned, but before you go expecting that to be a diss--all three of these sticks are in my 10 favorites list. This is the best size in the line and I can heartily recommend it to anyone except beginning smokers who may be overwhelmed by the body and, to a less extent, the strength.


Body: 8/10
Strength: 7/10
Complexity: 8/10

AFP Scale:
Prelight: 1.5/2
Construction: 1.5/2
Flavor: 4.5/5
Value: 1/1
Total: 8.5/10

P.S. I was able to tackle 2 of the 3 "buzzwords" in this review. In the next review, I'll look at the other one as I smoke the 601 Red.

10 Films: The Incredibles

The Incredibles (2004)
The only animated movie in my list of 10, The Incredibles represents perhaps the pinnacle (to date) of Pixar's extraordinary moviemaking talent. The voice talent on hand is superb, featuring Craig T. Nelson, Holly Hunter, Jason Lee and Samuel L. Jackson (I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for him to get through a script without saying the "f" word a single time). The animation is outstanding as always--really there is no one out there doing this stuff as beautifully as Pixar--Dreamworks comes close occasionally, but there's really no substitute for the real thing. And the story is...incredible.

The plot imagines what would happen if superheroes had to deal with real-life problems, like raising kids or getting sued for destroying a building while saving the city. Superheroes are outlawed and living in secrecy when the story starts. They have settled down and started raising families, but there's always the nagging sense that they are not fulfilling their purpose in life. And that's one of the major themes of this movie is that if you are not performing the function that you were created to perform, you will feel unsatisfied with life.

Overall, this is a fun and insightful movie that bears repeated watching. The special features are highly amusing, too. It seems that Pixar puts as much energy into their special bonuses and short subject films as some companies put into their feature-length projects.

Friday Funnies

10 Films: Young Guns II

Young Guns II (1990)
It's not often that I would honor a sequel in this way. It is even less frequent that I would honor a western. And to put a "brat pack" neo-western sequel in here is probably heresy for some...but this is my list and I'll put down the movies I like, Gosh darn it!

I thoroughly enjoyed the first Young Guns movie. I went to see it without knowing much of what it was about and not knowing that it was a re-telling of the Billy the Kid legend at all. I like Emilio Estevez in this role a lot. He brings a certain insane quality to the anti-hero of our story. I also loved Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, and Lou Diamond Phillips in their respective role in that first film, as well as key supporting roles by Terence Stamp, Jack Palance, and Terry O'Quinn (John Locke from Lost). The big surprise was how well the first movie told the story of Billy the Kid and how accurate it was in parts--hey, it's Hollywood...even when they present something as "based on a true story" (which they didn't for these films) it is mostly fiction.

So I was excited about the second film when I heard about it. Pretty much all those who had lived through the first film had their characters reprised (and killed) in the sequel. We got some great lines ("Yoo-hoo...I'll make you famous!" "You rode a 15-year old boy straight to the grave...and the rest of us straight to hell.") and an early turn from one William Peterson (Grissom from CSI) as Pat Garrett, Billy's friend who turns on him, becomes a sheriff, and (maybe) shoots him down at Ft. Sumter, NM. The story again is fictionalized history, with some pieces that actually happened along with some that were "re-imagined" from earlier films.

I have to admit, too, (guilty-pleasure time) that I was a fan of the music. The movie-makers asked Jon Bon Jovi if they could use the song "Wanted: Dead or Alive" for the film and he replied that he would go one better and write a new song...in fact, about 10 new songs that he put on a solo album featuring Elton John, Little Richard, Benmont Tench, and a host of other notable musicians. He got a cameo in the movie, too, launching an acting career that the world probably would be better off without.

I will freely admit that this is not high art in moviemaking. I will not argue that this is a classic western. I am not even sure this will be remembered all that fondly in another 20 years, but...I like this one enough to watch it over and over again.

Rating and Reviewing Cigars on the Tiki Bar, part 2

During the smoking of a cigar to be rated, I try to take copious notes about everything relevant so I can write a review that is both informative and interesting, but eventually I like to assign some numbers to each cigar. I know some people are not a big fan of number ratings, but I like them simply because they provide a good way for me to compare one cigar to another for my own personal taste. That being said, don't let anyone, anytime tell you that you should like a cigar because Cigar Aficionado rated it a 95, or some cigar blog rated is a 8.5, or that some other cigar should be skipped because a blog rated it at 6 out of 10. It's all subjective; I've got my tastes--you've got yours. If you find you like ones I rate highly, then you might have good luck with others I've rated highly--or you might not.

There are two sections to my ratings. First, I rate certain elements of the cigar on a 1 to 10 scale, based solely on my perceptions after finishing that day's smoking. Body is how I define the level of flavor of a cigar. Is it full of flavor and leave your mouth feeling oily for hours afterward? Then you've got yourself a full-bodied cigar. Are the flavors more delicate and don't linger for a long time? Then it's a mild cigar. Strength is my way of describing the nicotine hit, or "buzz factor," of a cigar. At the end of the stick, were you leaning over the porch rail with a sick stomach? Then you had a very strong cigar! Do you feel light-headed but not pukey? Probably more of an 8 or 9 on the scale. Feel like you could have smoked 8 in a row? I'd rate that a 1 or 2. Complexity describes how the flavors of the cigar interplay together or how they change during the entire length of the smoke. If it was a fairly one-note cigar that didn't change, I might give it a 2 or 3. If it started nutty and changed to leathery or earthy and had a pepper kick toward the end, that might get closer to a 10.

Last, but not least, is the AFP Scale, named for "An American Front Porch," the website/podcast where I discovered this "everyman's cigar rating system." I love this system because it's simple enough to remember and use almost anywhere, anytime. Basically, it goes like this: points are awarded in half-point increments in four categories, weighted to indicate how much each category should contribute to an overall score; total possible points are 10. Prelight looks at how the cigar is presented overall, including appearance, aromas, and flavors before lighting. Maximum points: 2. Construction deals with how the cigar performs throughout the smoke in issues that deal with the construction: draw, unraveling, canoeing, etc. Maximum points: 2. Flavor is the biggest component and includes all three of the components in the above paragraph: body, strength and complexity. Maximum points: 5. Value simply rates whether or not you thought it was worth the price of entry. Maximum points: 1.

10 Films: The Usual Suspects

The Usual Suspects (1995)
"Who is Keyser Soze?"

This is the central mystery of The Usual Suspects, a whodunnit/whoizit that is nothing short of brilliant. Bryan Singer's direction or Christopher McQuarrie's screenplay is a slow burn, building constantly with suspense and carried by wonderful acting from Gabriel Byrne, Benecio Del Toro (comically unintelligible here), Stephen Baldwin (yes, a Baldwin actually was good!), Kevin Pollack, and Kevin Spacey.

The story is of a group of career criminals (the "usual suspects" of the title) who band together to get some revenge on the police, only to find that they have all wronged in some way a criminal mastermind by the name of Keyser Soze, a shadowy, mysterious figure that some people think doesn't even exist, but is instead a boogeyman created to scare children.

The film is enhanced by the addition of some key supporting actors, such as Daniel Hedaya, Chazz Palmintieri, and Pete Postlethwaite, and by the final minutes of the movie you too will be going crazy trying to figure out who the mystery man is. Never fear, you do learn the truth, but I won't reveal it here--you gotta watch the movie!

By the way, the title comes from one a line in Casablanca when Captain Renault tries to help cover up the shooting of a Nazi: "Major Strasser has been shot. Round up the usual suspects."

Cigar Review: Romeo y Julieta Habana Reserva

Last year General Cigar kicked off the launch of the Macanudo 1968 in fairly unprecedented fashion--for a short time, you could get a 3 stick sampler for $10 online. Not to be outdone, Altadis decided to do something similar for the Romeo y Julieta Habana Reserve line--they offered 4 cigars for $10. Unlike the Mac68, which came fairly quickly, the RyJ promotion took quite a while to show up. I ordered my sampler in October, as did a friend of mine. He got his about a month ago. I moved across the country in the meantime, so mine had to catch up to me (and I ended up having a postage due fee thanks to their cheap "Parcel Post" delivery method) and I got mine about a week ago. After spending a month or more in transit, I let my cigars rest for a week in my humi before lighting one up this afternoon.

You know how when you cut a cigar you usually see almost a reverse image of what's at the other end--a bunch of rolled tobacco, in other words? This showed some somewhat sloppy folds of tobacco that looked like it would be in the way of a decent draw. It looked bad, but the pre-light draw was good--and fairly tasty, as a matter of fact!

The body of this smoke was medium to full, just as the Altadis website says it should be, and the flavor wasn't bad at all. It wasn't earth-shatteringly good, either, but I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed it. There was a little earthiness and coffee in there, but nothing overwhelming. The smoke was thick and helped keep the gnats at bay while I sat on my front porch in a break from the rain.

It seems the big boys of the industry (General and Altadis) are trying to win back the regular smokers instead of just trying to rely on their popular name brands to sell to occasional smokers, and I appreciate that. I am not a big fan of the Mac68, but this one was one that I will enjoy getting to know a little better as I smoke my way through the rest of my sampler pack and I might just make it a regular part of my box contents as the online price is about $4 to $5 per stick in 5-packs.

Bottom line: pleasant surprise in a bargain-priced smoke. (I forgot to do a numerical rating for this one, so this summation is all I've got...)

10 Films: Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park (1993)
It's a rare movie that I will pay to see in the theater more than once. I saw the original Star Wars in the theater 4 times (although I was too young to pay for 3 of those times). I did pay full price to see Say Anything at least twice in the theater. And I paid to see the first Jurassic Park three times in on the big screen. This film combines high action thrills, brilliant direction by Steven Spielberg (when he wasn't afraid to make popcorn film still), and some pretty decent acting (especially on the part of Jeff Goldblum, I think), rolls all those together and throws in the enchantment of the best CGI and animatronic dinosaurs ever seen on the screen (and I'm including the sequels and Peter Jackson's King Kong in that assessment). Instant winner and lasting legacy!

The music is also just amazing. John Williams scored this film with his typical dramatic flair, creating a larger-than-life theme for the larger-than-life dinos. I was impressed enough by this music, that I actually bought the soundtrack CD, something I very rarely will spend money on.

Providing the original story was the novel by Michael Crichton, one of the most exciting novelists of our time. Honestly, the Jurassic Park novel was far better than the film, but the film did a great job of telling the story. Crichton was so impressed by the film and its success that he was persuaded to write a sequel: The Lost World. The book is very good, although maybe not so much as the first one. The second film, however, was a complete disaster, and ranks with the absolute worst things that Spielberg has ever done. He could have made it much better by sticking with the source material, but he elected to have a movie that shared a name, and not much else, with the book. I cannot recommend the second movie in this series at all. The third film is also not nearly as good as the first, but at least they didn't bastardize the source material to get there, so it is actually bearable. If the first was a "10," I would rate JP3 as a solid 6.5 or 7 (these are graded on a curve). There was also talk of a fourth film, but I have since read that Spielberg and Co. aren't sure they will do so after Michael Crichton's death.

Whatever the case, we will always have Jurassic Park and I would recommend enjoying it on the big screen when possible--the bigger, the better.

What an idiot...

So, if you didn't catch it, today President Bush opened remarks about an early Cinco de Mayo celebration at the White House by saying "Welcome to Cuatro de Cinco..." What a complete and utter fool! The idiot can't even accurately speak rudimentary Spanish, which is almost the second "official" language of our country. I can't believe people elected such a nincompoop into such a lofty office...

Wait a minute...what's that you say...President Bush is gone? That was Obama that said that? Oh, well, then that changes everything! Obviously he just mis-spoke; either that or he was just being funny, because, gosh, you know he's just such a funny guy! The way he said "Cuatro de Cinco" sent a thrill up my leg, I know...

Don't bother looking for a lot of coverage for Obama's verbal gaffe. The media, as always, suffers from double-standard-vision and you simply can't criticize the Obamessiah because he is the savior of the country! And don't hold your breath waiting for late-night comics to have fun with this for the next week or two--they're still trying hard to find something to make fun of Obama about. Lord knows it's so hard! :)

Rating and Reviewing Cigars on the Tiki Bar, part 1

I wanted to take an opportunity to explain the way I review cigars so that it can be fully understood and recognized as different from the way other sites/blogs might review them.

Many websites or cigar reviewers will smoke several examples of a cigar when preparing a review. I do believe this is a good practice as it tends to rule out the possibility of getting a "bum stick" with a bad burn or flavor due to construction problems. It's becoming kind of a cliche, but, yes, cigars are hand-made products and there are anomalies in them--even in very expensive cigars there are inevitably bad examples. I do not follow this practice myself in reviewing cigars, though. The main reason is monetary--my budget just does not allow me to buy 4 or 5 of several cigars in order to fully rate and evaluate them based on multiple examples. The second reason is simply this: if I don't like the first example of a cigar, I am unlikely to buy another one and smoke it again just on a whim. If it is a highly rated or recommended cigar, I very well may give it a second chance, but I make no promises.

Cigar Aficionado makes a practice of smoking their cigars "blind." A single person goes out and purchases the cigars, takes the bands off and dispenses them to the reviewers on the staff who have no idea what they are smoking (unless their experience allows them to figure it out). I know there is a lot of controversy about their ratings and conspiracy theories about how the advertisers who spend the most get the best ratings, but the facts simply don't bear this out. The companies that buy the most pages of advertising tend to be Ashton, General Cigar and Altadis (on a fairly regular basis); Ashtons end up toward the top of the ratings many times, but rarely at the top; General and Altadis cigars rarely end up above middling ratings in any category. The cigars that tend to do best in CA ratings? Cuban. And there are no ads in the magazine whatsoever for those brands. Anyway, I don't smoke them blind, either. I won't argue that it's not good practice, but that just isn't my way.

So...how do I review? I choose a cigar, often something I've never smoked before so I don't have any pre-existing expectations about it (other than what I've read or heard from other people). I get my notepad and pen and write down some initial observations about the stogie. I try to do a little research online to find out where the cigar originated from and any interesting facts. I take my cigar, notepad, pen, and something to drink out to the porch and light 'er up! When reviewing a cigar, I try to downplay the influence of my beverage by choosing something light in flavor, such as water or iced tea. I thoroughly enjoy a good bourbon with a cigar, but rarely drink it when I'm reviewing--when I do, I try to note that somewhere and remark about how the drink pairs with the cigar.

In part 2 of this review of my reviewing practices, I will explain the scales I use for rating.

10 Films: Say Anything

Over the last two weeks, I delved into the 10 albums that have meant the most to me in my life. It was such an interesting time, at least for me, that I decided it would be fun to try to replicate the experience in other pop culture arenas. So, for the next two weeks, I will be looking at 10 Films. The ground rules on this experience are simple: each film has to mean something special to me for some reason and has to be part of my video collection. This cuts down on the number of titles I might choose and means that this list is in no way meant to be a "10 best films" or "10 best of the last 20 years" or anything of the sort. Just 10 movies that I happen to like enough to own, and why.

Say Anything (1989)
There are not many romantic-comedy/teens-in-love movies that hold up to repeated viewing, but this is certainly one of them. This is owed as much to the writing and directing of Cameron Crowe as it is to the undeniable star power of John Cusack. This is the first movie I remember seeing Cusack in, and the first one in which he played his "everyman-in-love" character that has since been so well reprised in films such as Grosse Point Blank, High Fidelity, and Serendipity. This film had a great cast, with Ione Skye, John Mahoney, Lili Taylor, and Joan Cusack (John's real-life sister and probably his most frequent cast-mate) in supporting roles.

There's so much to like about this movie, but I think if I had to name my favorite, it would be the dialog that Crowe wrote for the protagonist, Lloyd Dobler. He has the kind of rapid-fire, offbeat wackiness that made the Gilmore Girls such a fun show to watch. Yes, I did just admit to being a Gilmore fan...get over it! If you haven't watched the show you don't know what you're missing. Anyway, where was I...oh, yes, dialog. You can't deny the comic power of lines like:

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

"You probably got it all figured out, Corey. If you start out depressed everything's kind of a pleasant surprise."

"Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I'm been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later."

And from Corey: "The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don't be a guy."

And you can't talk about Say Anything without mentioning one of the most famous scenes from a movie in the last half a century...Lloyd holding up the boom box, playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" for Diane after she dumped him. Classic scene. Classic movie...quite possibly my favorite film of the second half of the 20th century. A shining moment for one of the best actors to come out of the '80s.

Something's Missing...

Over the last couple weeks, I talked a lot about different music I like and over the next couple weeks, I've got a bunch of movie reviews scheduled, so I've finally got the "pop culture" thing going on this blog more than I have in the past.

I've certainly not backed off from any political discussion during any time I've been writing this blog.

But something seems to be missing...what could it be...???

Oh, yeah! The cigars!!!

I've been a little lax on getting much cigar content up here on this blog for a few weeks no. It's not that I'm smoking less, it's just that I haven't reviewed any. That will change in the next few weeks. I went to Burns in Chattanooga yesterday and picked up a bunch of cigars that I had not tried before and plan to review every one of them, as well as some of the others that I have in my box and have not had a chance to render an opinion on yet. I am designating Tuesdays and Fridays as "Cigar Review Days" here on the Tiki Bar for the foreseeable future. This Tuesday will see my review of the Romeo y Julieta Habana Reserva and after that I have a very nice lineup which includes: LX2 Lancero, 601 Red, Perdomo Patriarch, La Flor Dominicana DL-452 in both natural and maduro, Nub Connecticut, and Rocky Patel TAA Signature Series.